Paris and Kate Forever

I was just sitting here minding my business, when I noticed this little tidbit coming across the web about Paris Hilton and her twin lover Benji Madden. The Good Charlotte guitarist has written his lover of two months her own song, titled, “Shine Your Light.” Paris says, “It’s this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me….He’s my best friend.”

BEST FRIEND? I thought that was the position I’d be competing for on her reality show? Just to show my devotion to the heiress, I’ve written her my own song for Paris. It’s called “Dump Your Boyfriend and Let’s Do Shots.” Here’s a sample lyric:

Seriously Paris, forget that dude
He’ll never appreciate your attitude
Let’s share clothes, here’s my dress from 1993
aren’t you glad you’re BFF with me!

Dearest Paris,

You don’t yet know me, but you should and you will. I am the most BFFiest of BFFs that you will ever have, and I’m here to finally stake my claim on our friendship that is totes meant to be!

Now you may be asking yourself what an attractive, talented, popular gal like myself is doing trying to win your platonic heart. Here’s the deal: while I have many amazing, wonderful friends, all of them pale in comparison to you.

• Do my current friends own monkeys? NO!
• Do my current friends love wearing a Chanel dress once and only once? NO!
• Do my current friends curl up in the VIP rooms of Hollywood clubs as if they were relaxing and maxing in their own living room? NO!

But these are not the only reasons I am desperate to be your sidekick. We have so much in common, it’d be foolish for us NOT to be pals.

• We both have size 10.5 feet and are enormously tall (only I am a wee bit awkward)!
• We both love animals (I carry my cat Cleo in my Old Navy purse all over NYC)!
• We’re both obsessed with a Madden – you’ve got Benji and I like my pair of Steve Madden ballet flats from five years ago!

I love (window) shopping, yoga, talking sh*t about other people behind their backs (LiLo!), and finding lost Chihuahuas. Most importantly I am loyal, kind, fun and obsessed with being the designated driver. You can teach me how to walk in heels, and I’ll teach you how to stay home and watch Sixteen Candles with only a bottle of red wine and some Chinese take out as a date.

Together, we will be unstoppable.

xoxo,
Kate